Sex, spelled S-E-X.

At times, it is discouraging to teach sexual health education in Uganda. My personal philosophy regarding this topic is to educate pupils about the facts so they may prevent unwanted pregnancies or receiving/spreading STIs. It is my belief that abstinence only education puts kids at a disadvantage when faced with real situations. If somebody wants to behave in a certain way there is nothing I can say to prevent him from doing so. The most control I can have over that situation is to plant my voice in his and her head with information that can keep them healthy—or in the very least, keep those around them healthy. 

It is easier for me to teach sexual health in America with this philosophy. I can talk to them about waiting until they are in a safe, loving, and healthy relationship. I can recommend they seek advice or guidance from a parent about possible birth control methods—if that were not an option for them, I would refer them to their primary care physician or Planned Parenthood to get on birth control. I would advise them to use condoms every time, knowing that any corner market, gas station, pharmacy, and grocery store sells them for relatively low costs. I would even inform them of the locations I know that give away condoms free. Above all, I would encourage them to wait until they are absolutely sure in their heart and mind that they are ready for sex, because once you open the door, there is no closing it behind you.

Those messages get complicated here. Set aside the fact that anytime I open my mouth, my brain must first filter, screen, and adjust each word so it makes sense to ESL pupils, making any lesson especially challenging. The message is further distorted because there really is not a period of time when kids date each other innocently in Uganda. It is rare to find a boy and girl even talking to one another outside of a debate during class. When two kids decide they like each other, there is no innocent hand holding, hugging, or even kissing. It often becomes an all or nothing situation. Relationships are vastly different from my native culture. As I discussed in a recent blog, love and marriage are not always the same in Uganda as they are in America. How can I teach about waiting for a loving, respectful relationship if I cannot point to an example to follow? I am in no way saying they don’t exist. There are respectful relationships, I am sure, but they are often hidden behind closed doors so they may as well be invisible. I could teach about waiting to have sex until marriage; that might reach some of my pupils. Yet, even marriage is different here. What point are two people considered married? So often, it is after they have a kid together then they decide to become official or are persuaded by the community to do the Introduction ceremony. I know there are too many socio-cultural factors bearing down on these kids telling them not to wait to deceive myself into believing a few talks about waiting from me will overtake those messages. 

So, as I often do when I feel myself up against a cultural standard that I just cannot get my mind wrapped around, I take a step back…

I try to remember what the message I am trying to convey really is. In the case of sexual health education, I want a few outcomes: 1. Prevent the spread of STIs, 2. Prevent unwanted pregnancies, 2.5. Keep these girls in school by not getting unwanted pregnancies, 3. Establish a precedent for what a healthy sexual relationship looks like to prevent sexual abuse.

Why? Because I truly believe the spread of HIV can be prevented through education. Because I truly believe that overpopulation is slowly destroying this region. Because I truly believe that girls who make it through secondary school (that is to say, those who do not get pregnant before completion and have to drop out) will be capable of securing jobs, marry respectful husbands, and are less likely to produce more children than they can afford. Because rape and sexual violence are too common and these kids deserve better. 

I am not entirely sure how to get to these outcomes yet. I am approaching the situation first by teaching about what sex is, how one can impregnate or become pregnant, the various STIs that exist (and the variety of ways to contract them,) and creating a clear picture for what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like. I don’t know if my lessons will reach all of these students; I don’t know if it will prevent these things from happening to even those who the lessons reach.

Sometimes the most we can do is try. I know at the end of the day that these kids have me in their corner during the fight for a better future. 

With love,

Kristen

Kissing, Love, Weddings, and Babies within Buganda

Now that I have established friendships with many of my coworkers, I’ve been learning a lot about love, weddings, and babies in Buganda. It is interesting to me that upon learning these cultural facts, I was not in the least bit surprised. Within the context of life in Buganda, these things make total and complete sense. In fact, my learning about these traditions led me to discuss with my Ugandan friends about the way these things work in America, but out of context my world seems ridiculous to them! 

Why are Kaggogwe and Nakayima not K-I-S-S-I-N-G?

I had previously held the opinion that due to the very strict, yet unspoken, PDA (public display of affection for my readers who are not in the know) rules, most Ugandan couples must be doing a lot of kissing behind closed doors. However, it is apparently very rare for Ugandans to kiss at all. According to a few of my UG friends, kissing is something reserved for “only the most rare and mature forms of love.” Two people can be married for a lifetime and rarely (if ever) kiss.

I told them that even young kids who begin dating in middle school are known to kiss. It is practically on the same plane as handholding and first hugs. I was a late bloomer and didn’t have my first kiss until 9^th grade…I still remember getting teased for it because I was one of the last of my friends—and we were the nerdy NHS, golf team, honor roll kids. I was even further behind the “cool kids.” My UG friends were shocked. Kids kissing? Scandalous. 

Yet, many kids here “play sex” which usually involves putting his parts near or inside of her parts—because they have seen mommy and daddy do it so many evenings in their one room home. Scandalous is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose. 

First comes Love…

The kissing discussion led me to wonder about love. Not that the two are always interconnected, but they are certainly related in my mind. It is not very common to hear men and women say they love each other, even in reference during conversation about said loved one. This isn’t surprising, since a man and woman who have been married for years act like total strangers in public.

After a very interesting discussion, I learned that being in love is not a requirement to being married. Money, status, good genes, and number of cows he has to offer your father—those are great requirements. Love, not so much… Even as I write this, I see that it may seem like Ugandans are selfish, materialistic people. It is so much deeper than that. To quote a friend, “Okay, maybe they love each other for two years into the marriage tops, but then she starts asking for money and he says forget about it, I don’t love you anymore.” He will stay with her (maybe not exclusively) but he doesn’t feel bound to the marriage by love. 

I brought up the extremely common scenario in America, where two people are so in love, they get married while neglecting the fact that they have no money, no education, bad genes, and not a single cow or goat to offer the Bride’s father. You would have thought I was trying to convince them pigs could fly. Why on earth would they get married without those things? 

I am too much of a romantic to imagine marrying without love. I’d rather take the no money/no cow scene than the no love for life one. However, most of my friends here disagree with that sentiment.    

…then comes Marriage…

Two people who I have come to know and love (haha) in Uganda are George (my supervisor/co-worker/friend) and Mugabi (my sometimes driver/friend/translator/brother), both of whom have upcoming weddings in October and December, respectively. This has given me the opportunity to see how wedding planning works in Uganda.  

For those of you that don’t know, when Ugandans get married, it comes in two parts. They generally have an “Introduction” ceremony—in which the man essentially provides an offering to the woman’s family in the form of livestock (amount depends on her worth). This is traditionally something he spends weeks/months negotiating with her family about a reasonable price for both parties. I have heard Introductions include music, dancing, food, and traditional performances. Usually this is done a long time (sometimes a decade) before the wedding. However, a man and woman are viewed as married within the culture once this ceremony takes place—they can now live together and produce kids without it being a scandal. 

When the wedding takes place, the purpose is to finalize the marriage in front of God (a remnant from the missionary days in Uganda). This ceremony is more like the ones we have in America. It includes the white gown, big wedding party, and festive reception to follow the vows. However, it also includes a budget that the groom hands out to his friends and family months in advance to let them know what they will donate money towards in order for the ceremony to take place. Consider this the cordial invitation. Most families even pitch in to provide the livestock offering during the Introduction. These ceremonies are very much a community ordeal—the bride and groom typically expect at least 300 people in attendance and everyone who comes has probably made some contribution or another towards the day! 

I had a blast explaining that my father would most definitely not accept any number of cows, goats, or chickens to “buy me” from the family! I explained gift registries, which they thought were abominable and selfish on our part. I talked about how usually the bride’s family is responsible for paying for the whole ceremony (sans the rehearsal dinner right?)—the men thought that was hard to imagine but at the same time a spectacular idea.  

I can’t help but laugh at the image of me sending a wedding invitation out to my friends and family with an insert that tells them the amount of money they will put towards the cake, flowers, and my gown. Like that would go over well…

…then comes the Baby carriage!

Several women in this organisation are currently pregnant—or so the rumors suggest. Pregnancy is not something that is openly discussed. In fact, one of the nurses accidentally let slip to me that somebody else was pregnant and almost instantly said, “Please don’t ever tell her you know!” I thought for the first two months that she was doing what many American couples do—wait until you are out of the first trimester to share the news with loved ones, just in case. It has been 4 months now, she looks like she is entering the third trimester, and yet everyone acts like she has just gained a bunch of weight. Seriously, I have been around her on so many occasions where people say, “Wow, you have really put on!” I’m standing there thinking, “Are they being funny or is the denial running that deep?” 

There are many reasons for secrecy. I only know a couple, and speculate about others. One, it used to be (and in some regions still is) common for somebody to “cast a black magic spell” upon the unborn child causing a miscarriage—keep it a secret and nobody can cast an effective spell. Two, (in my amateurish opinion I think it is the same as one,) miscarriages are common due to malnutrition, stressful living conditions, infectious diseases, and life in general. Three, even after the baby is born the risk of dying is still high, so why have a 9 month build up to a painful disappointment if you can avoid it? Four, (and to me, the most interesting) women often feel ashamed of being pregnant because, by nature, it is evidence of that thing she must have done to become in that state. Ugandans so rarely discuss sex that it actually becomes embarrassing to walk around with an enlarged belly as if she is waving an “I did it” flag out the end of her new outty belly button!   

I told some of my friends here that the moment friends and family find out about a pregnancy, we shower her with gifts and treat her differently. Her employer becomes lenient when she needs to increase her doctor’s appointments and take months off for maternity leave. Not really things that exist here. However, there is a lot of support once the baby is born. The infant is wrapped in a dozen layers of white blankets and carried with such delicate care. Friends pour in to support the new mother with baby gifts…but only after the baby is born are we allowed to acknowledge the situation.

One thing I cannot help but think about is that in America, we have so much more control over when we have babies. Easy access to birth control, condoms, Plan B, and (in some cases) abortion helps Americans decided exactly when we have children. Even married couples utilize the dozens of different birth control/family planning methods. Many of these methods exist in Uganda, but misinformation spreads rampantly and many women fear using even the least invasive methods.
 

When I mentioned that women who aren’t ready for kids take measures to prevent from having them, my Ugandan girlfriends were surprised to hear how meticulously we are able to plan that element of our lives. To me, it just seems natural. To them, it seems over-controlling.

With love,

Kristen

What a year?!

On June 10^th 2012, I arrived in Nsumba village, Ntenjeru Sub-County, Uganda to work as an intern with the Ugandan based CBO, Volset Foundation. My life changed that summer. I changed emotionally, mentally, and spiritually; but the most meaningful change came with the establishment of my 501(c)3 non-profit organization, Future Diplomats Education Centre Foundation. My mom and I created this foundation to serve the ever-growing needs of the orphaned and vulnerable children at Future Diplomats Education Centre Primary School. Our first goal was to bring a dormitory to the FDEC school campus.

This June, I had the extraordinary opportunity to revisit my Volset family and step inside the nearly completed dormitory. Every few days since that trip, I have reviewed the photos of the Future Diplomats and their future home. It just does not feel real. 

Before and After!

For those of you who followed my blog last summer, this is a photo of the same location I once helped bail out the flooded courtyard over this wall!After the flood, they dug a trench and pushed the wall back a couple feet. Then they built a dorm. :)

For now, the girls have moved from the small storeroom where they previously resided, into the girl’s section of the dorm. There are temporary windows, the walls still need a final coat of paint, and they desperately want more beds (to stop sleeping three to one mattress) but for now, they are thrilled to have a new home-however incomplete it may be!

Nearly finished girl's section

Unfinished boy's section

Upon seeing the girls move into their section of the dorm, the boys put up a very big fight! Their section lacks windows, plaster on the walls, and cement on the floors, so they were not able to move in yet. As a compromise, the Headmaster and Jjajja moved one of the classrooms into the soon-to-be boy’s section so the boys could move their beds to a bigger space until the dorm is completed.

As the end of another term draws nearer, I hope to provide enough donations to bring the boys “home” by the beginning of third term in September.

After seeing the project in person, I was able to re-evaluate our budget and identify how much more funding we need in order to finish. In the effort of transparency, I want to share with you, my friends, family, future, and past donors the remaining cost of the project. I have divided it into Three Phases.

Phase One:

$2,000 needed to complete the construction

Phase Two:

$1,500 needed to complete the furnishing (beds, sheets, & mosquito nets) 

Phase Three:

$1,500 needed to install solar power for the dormitory

In recent weeks, we have collected almost $1500 that will assist us in finishing the construction! When Phase One is complete, the boys will finally move into their section, and I will begin Phase Two to provide each child with his or her own bed, uniform sheets, and mosquito net. 

As Jjajja said in a Facebook post today, "Miracles aren't miracles unless they happen. So is the children's dormitory is a true miracle. Thanks to overseers and dream translators like Nankya. "

If you would like to help us finish this “miracle” project, we encourage you to be a dream translator and:

Mail a check made out to “FDEC Foundation” to

FDEC Foundation

PO Box 65141

Vancouver, WA 98663

Or

Click the Donate button below to make an online donation through PayPal

With love and many thanks for your support,

Nankya Kristen

Perspective.

We have been having power and water on at the same time for several days in a row! I mean, WOW! Can life get better than that??? Yeah, of course the majority of my readers are thinking, “Well, yes Kristen…it’s called living in America.” The land of endless power and water.

Even when we go for long stretches without water (e.g.: the first 3 months of my trip) I still don’t necessarily miss that part about home. Not having water puts things into perspective for me. It makes me feel like I’m no different than my Ugandan neighbors. I too must survive the same way as anybody else; using candles/lanterns at night and rationing my biked in water by day.  

The longer I spend here, the more I believe that there is a thin invisible wall between the good life and the hard life. It only takes a small life event for that wall to crack and come crashing down-- forcing a person to make the unfortunate transition from good n' easy to hard. In America, that wall cracks from job lay-offs, debilitating accidents, cancer, death of the family breadwinner, natural disasters, etc. …Here in Uganda, many people start life on the “other side” of that wall, without ever getting the opportunity to know what easy even looks like.

Despite how close some of us live to this invisible wall in America, we easily forget how good we have it. Not too long ago, I was living as a poor college student. I look back at those “hard times” and laugh at myself. I wish I hadn’t complained so much. I wish I had appreciated that even though the dead of winter meant we were cheap and refused to turn on the heat, at least my roommates and I had a clean and safe place to call home. I wish I had appreciated the fact that my constant stress was caused by the pressure of balancing college with a job and volunteer work; going to college was an opportunity not a right; having a job, as a woman at my age is not a universal right (or even possibility). I wish I had appreciated the stability of my family; my parents are still married and alive. Even when times were hard, I ate three meals a day—however often it was Top Ramon, coffee, or bagels.

I am not a wealthy person in America, but I do have a lot of wealth. Living here in the village is a constant reminder to that. The other day, I spoke with a Ugandan friend of mine about the difficulty she encounters as a single mother in Lukaya when trying to budget for her family. She makes a little less than $100 USD a month. Our organization helps pay for housing and covers a fair amount of health costs, but even with that in mind, it is not a lot of money. It is more than fair for Uganda—but there are still many things that cost about the same in the US which seem cheap to me and outrageous to locals.

For example, soda costs 2500 shillings, or roughly $1.00—about the same as at home. Whenever I am out running errands in the village with coworkers, I offer to buy us sodas; they usually respond with, “Aye, Kristen! It is expensive, you don’t have to!” At first my knee-jerk response was, “Are you kidding!? That’s nothing!” Then I finally realized one day that to a person who makes 200,000 a month, 2500 on one lousy non-nutrient rich beverage is an irresponsible way to throw away money. Before the water came back, everyone in the village was paying 500 shillings for the “water-men” to bicycle in a jerry can of water to their doorstep (myself included). My next-door neighbor heads a household of six people, they use about 4-5 jerry cans a day for cooking, cleaning, washing, and drinking…that is 2000-2500 shillings a day. Why on earth would he waste the same amount on a Coke? 

Sometimes these “real life” things take a little while to hit me fully. As I said, not having water or electricity on a regular basis helps remind me of where I am and of the permanent conditions of living for the people around me. Most importantly, these things remind me to appreciate my ability to go home to the land of endless power and water. I get to flash my passport and walk back through that invisible wall in August, leaving my Ugandan friends and neighbors to continue with their lives in the land that requires a lot of sweat, blood, and (occasionally) tears just to carry on towards tomorrow.

Sacrificing Dan-time, ice cream, high-speed internet, delivery pizza, reliable water and power, Girl Scout Cookies, drinkable pre-treated water, fudge, friend-time, my favorite TV shows, eating out, air conditioning, chocolate cake, Target, Thai food, driving my car, Netflix, and spending holidays/special occasions with family for six months seems downright trivial. Lest I ever forget what this side of the wall feels like.

 

With love,

Kristen

Hakuna matata, mpola mpola

I think I officially made progress. 

It is amazing to me that I can work this hard every day and still not feel like I’m pushing forward! Three and a half months later, I can finally see the ball rolling! Thank goodness it is rolling in the direction I want.

This realization came to me this week when I finally made definitive plans to implement an herbal supplementation program that I finished developing about two months ago. When I had the meeting to discuss the implementation, every member was on time for the first time my whole experience in Uganda! Technically, the general manager was late, but he is ironically usually the only other person on time with me, so I let this one time slide. This gives me great hope for the program! Although, the actual implementation isn’t set to take place until Tuesday, so who knows if it is really a victory yet!

I also noticed the ball is rolling in my favor after my meeting with the Mustard Seed Health Team this week. Our first big school-wide project will be a performance to teach the rest of the school about the herbal supplement tea they will (hopefully) be taking in the coming weeks. I had given the kids about 20 minutes at the end of the lesson last week to start writing either a song or a poem to share with the school. As soon as I separated them into groups by preference of performance style, one teacher went to work with the song group, and the other went to work with the poetry group…I didn’t even ask them to! Then after about ten minutes, the poetry group had two nearly completed poems and the song group was starting to practice their wonderful song. By the end of the twenty minutes, the poems were getting polished and the song was being perfected. Since I had a prior commitment during our usual Saturday lesson, I assigned the Health Team to work on their products to be presented to me the following Thursday. Sure enough, at the beginning of Thursday’s lesson, the song group sang and drummed in perfect harmony and the poetry group rehearsed without looking at their notes. 

Pride is too small a word to cover this feeling. If the kids did that much in 20 minutes, I can’t wait to see what they have up their sleeves when I give them several weeks for the other health topics!

As they say in Luganda, Mpola mpola…Slowly slowly. I’m beginning to love and appreciate that phrase!  

Also, Hakuna Matata…No problem/no worries in Kswahili; an incredibly relevant phrase that Ugandans don’t use, but it has been running through my head ever since my trip to Mombasa when I heard it actually spoken in a sentence (as opposed to by an animated singing warthog and meerkat).

Despite the mixed languages, I often say to myself, “Hakuna matata, mpola mpola” whenever I get frustrated with the lack of progress in my programs. I need to remember to keep doing what I do and the pieces will fall in place when they are good and ready…even if that often means moving at the pace of a 180 year old Giant Tortoise . 

With love,

Kristen

PS Thank you to everyone who has donated to the dormitory construction in the last two weeks! We are getting so close! Like us on Facebook, Future Diplomats Education Centre Foundation, if you would like more information on how to make a donation!

A few more bricks to go...

I enjoyed a lovely meal at Rapha’s house this weekend. Real Partners Uganda recently built Rapha’s House for 60 orphans and vulnerable students at Mustard Seed Academy. It is a beautiful home. The children danced and sang out in joy as they gave me a grand tour of their new home. 

Despite my joy for these children who now have a safe place to call home, my heart feels a pang of sadness. I know about sixty children in another part of Uganda who are eagerly awaiting a new place to live too. I feel like I have temporarily put those girls and boys on hold. That isn’t fair to them. 

The last construction estimate I received from Festus indicated that it would only take about $1500 to complete the dormitory. 

We are approaching the one-year anniversary of the incorporation of Future Diplomats Education Centre Foundation. How great would it be to commemorate the anniversary with a completed dormitory? 

I will be visiting my Ugandan family in a few weeks to reunite with the kids and check out the construction progress. If you would like to contribute to putting a roof over the heads of these children, I encourage you to: 

Mail a check made out to FDEC Foundation to

PO Box 65141

Vancouver WA 98665

Or follow the link below to make a donation through PayPal:

Thank you for your support! Stay tuned for pictures of the dormitory project!

With love,

Kristen

A treat for a little victory

Here I am.

I have officially passed my mark. The mark that signifies the longest amount of time I have ever been away from home.

8 weeks in Sydney, Australia.

9.5 weeks in Mukono, Uganda.

13 weeks and counting in Lukaya, Uganda.

Standing beside the Indian Ocean in Mombasa, Kenya

Many of the people I look up to most in life tell me I should appreciate the little victories whenever they come.  My parent’s favorite story to tell about me as a child illustrates how terrified I was to let them out of my sight. I would scream and throw tantrums in the store if they moved on to the next aisle without me. Apparently, I had this rule that when we went on walks they could only be a few steps ahead of me…because what would happen if they were too far away?

Eventually I got over that crippling fear of separation. I first went on a school trip to Washington DC the summer before 9^th grade. I was fine. Then the summer before 12^th grade I went on another school trip to Spain. I came back completely unscathed by the “scary” world. Looking back, I’m not sure which of those trips shook me more. I think these trips helped me realize that I could be far away from home and not just survive…but thrive. I went to Sydney the summer going into my third year in college, this time for 8 weeks. That trip taught me that I had no limits. I had the ability to go anywhere in the world, meet new people, and explore. 

Now here I am. I’ve spent a cumulative amount of 22 weeks in Uganda. That to me is a little victory. A victory for the four year old Kristen who could hardly stand the thought of letting her parents out of her sight. Here I am at twenty two and a half; I’m half way around the world from home and still not throwing a tantrum begging my parents to reemerge from the next aisle. Exciting to think I’m barely even at the half way mark of this trip!     

To help me celebrate this little victory...and to assist me with the necessary visa renewal needed to stay in Uganda for another 90 days, my cousin let me join him on a business trip to Mombasa, Kenya. 

I got to get my feet wet in the not-surprisingly warm Indian Ocean (I didn't spend too much time on the beach itself though because this is still Africa, and there were dozens of men lingering around waiting for me to make eye-contact so they could haggle me to buy their crafts/snacks/talents...kind of a beach-mood killer)

I went scuba diving for the first time!! That was amazing, scary, and cool all wrapped in one! I was not a natural, that's for sure! My dive guide would have probably liked to hold me under without Oxygen after I made us do an emergency ascent...that's a story I'm not ready to share to the masses just yet! Ohhh man...After that little mishap, I did manage to pull myself together and go back down for another 30 minutes. Pictures of me underwater to come...!

We went to a place called Haller Park where we got to feed the Giraffes, play with monkeys, and view giant tortoises, crocodiles, and snakes.  

On my last day, I got a little spa time in, had a lovely lunch, bought souvenirs in the resort's gift shops, and relaxed with a drink by the pool.

The monkeys at our resort were funny little guys. During lunch on the last day, a monkey swooped down from the ceiling crossbeams, snatched the entire tray of sugar packets from the table next to me, and swung back up to the ceiling. I got this picture of the monkey treating the sugar like crack as he tore open and devoured each packet until he got his fix!

Then, while I was sipping on this beautiful drink at the pool:

Tequila Sunrise: Pre-Monkey attack

A group of monkeys surrounded me and before I even knew what was going on, they had grabbed my drink! I'm pretty sure the target was the orange/cherry on the rim and not the Tequila...but if they had just asked nicely, I would have given them the fruit and my drink could have been spared! 

I'm not sure if this little guy got any Tequila, but I think he looks a little buzzed...

All in all, the week was lovely. I got to spend time relaxing, reading, sight seeing, trying new things, and even got some quality time with my cousin! 

My mid-way trip to paradise was a success. I'm looking forward to the next three months in Lukaya! Absence really does make the heart grow fonder!

With love,

Kristen